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Your hazy drunkenness takes over for a moment and suddenly all you can think about is kissing Jimmy. You’re so close to him. You can smell his expensive aftershave and the hairspray in his hair. You can imagine how soft his cheeks are. His lips. His hair. You’ve thought about it all a million times before, but… what if this time… what if it could be real-

“I think he’s coming this w-” Jimmy whispers, but when he glances at you, his voice trails away. “What?”

“You smell really good.” The words come out before you can stop them.


Jimmy rolls his eyes. “That’s because I’m wearing aftershave.”


“And we’re really close together in here…”


Jimmy blinks. “…yes. Yes we are.”


You shift a little, which results in you pressing a little tighter against him. You let your head fall onto his shoulder.


Jimmy stays very still. 


“Hey… you okay?” he asks.


“Mm.” You raise your head again, looking him right in the eyes. You can’t help but look at his lips again, only just visible through the dark. He notices.


You feel him press a little closer to you.


Jimmy’s never really dated - not like you have. If you could call what you did ‘dating’. But you’ve seen Jimmy get with guys at parties, when he was in the mood. For a long time, you didn’t understand why you felt so annoyed when you saw him doing that.


You imagine how Jimmy might react if you kissed him. Properly kissed him, like he deserves to be kissed. Would he just push you away with a confused frown and leave your friendship in pieces forever? Or would he kiss you back and reveal that he too had been feeling this way the whole time? It’s always the latter in your fantasies, but in reality, you have no idea. Sometimes the feelings are so much that you think about risking it all to find out.


“I… really want to kiss you right now,” you say.


“You’re drunk.”


“Not really. More of a hangover by this point.”


Jimmy lets out a breath. There’s a silence, before he says, his voice low and quiet, “You’re just drunk and want to get off with someone. You always do this.”


“No, I- I mean it,” you say. It’s a pathetic response.


But it makes Jimmy look back at you. Curious. Cautious.


So you go for it.


You tilt your head down and kiss him gently. He stays very still, but as you go to pull away, he follows you, keeping your lips together. You feel his hand grab at your t-shirt and he deepens the kiss, and suddenly this feels like his idea instead of yours. You hear yourself make a surprised sigh in the back of your throat and the cupboard rattles loudly as Jimmy pushes you further towards your side-


And then it’s over.


He pulls away from you.


“We…” He swallows. “We can’t do that, we- the band-”


Reality seems to come flooding back to you both at once. The band. You can’t start a thing with your bandmate. A bad break-up could destroy your entire career. No matter your feelings for Jimmy, this was a mistake. 


This could never happen.


And things are going to be awkward between you for a long, long time.



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